The Games
Two Teams Entered. Technically, One of Them Won.
The Punt Intended defeated Medical Tent 82.6–79.4 in a game the league office has declined to preserve in high definition.
By Eddie Endzone · Week 4
Winner · 2–2
Punt Intended
Owen Reed
82.6
Final · 0–4
Medical Tent
Tasha Bell
79.4
Punt Intended won a fantasy football game with 82.6 points. We have checked the bylaws. It counts.
Owen Reed and Tasha Bell produced a combined 162 points, still fewer than the Touchdown Poets nearly scored by themselves. The matchup featured two lineup zeros, three players below four points and a fourth-quarter drive during which neither manager needed actual points so much as evidence of life.
Reed’s defense scored 14 and became the highest-scoring non-quarterback in his lineup. That sentence should be printed on a warning label. Bell, meanwhile, lost a receiver before halftime and watched her running back receive nine carries for the strategic purpose of going nowhere.
At 79.4, Medical Tent posted the lowest total of the season. The name has stopped being branding and become an injury report. Bell remains 0–4, though this was the first loss that felt less like tragedy and more like a community-theater production of football.
Punt Intended is 2–2. Reed accepted the win without apology, as he should. History does not ask whether a victory was beautiful. It does, however, save the box score, point at it and laugh.